I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The feeling are messing with the penis
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
