Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
