We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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