I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
