Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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