I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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