Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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