I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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