you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
