I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You are a genius and a whore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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