Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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