so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
