I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
