wat bout pragnant strippers??
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
love makes seman taste better
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
