I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
