she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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