do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
