if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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