Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Never underestimate the power of titties
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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