I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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