I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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