in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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