She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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