my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize