I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
