dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize