The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
