WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
