put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
