I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
