Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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