Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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