I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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