Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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