last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
