I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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