Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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