one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
