More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
