Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
