I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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