Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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