i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
