I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
