you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
