I puked a lego.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
