Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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