So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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