Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
