I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
bring money and cleavage
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
