my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
