dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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