It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
