i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
