I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize