ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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