I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize