batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
