Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize